


how can i say this without breaking?

by HerDiamonds



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Green Arrow and the Canaries (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:02:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24947332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerDiamonds/pseuds/HerDiamonds
Summary: “And thank you for trusting me, even when I haven’t always deserved that trust.”“D, you know I trust you.” Laurel insists.“I know.” Dinah pauses, looking down again. “It’s one of the reasons why I love you.” She says, looking up and meeting Laurel’s eyes as she says the words.Oh.
Relationships: Dinah Drake/Earth-2 Laurel Lance
Comments: 17
Kudos: 47





	how can i say this without breaking?

**Author's Note:**

> it was almost 5am this morning when I got the idea for this, I wrote like 700 words as a planner and then fell asleep. I slept for five hours, then immediately woke up didnt do anything except walk downstairs, grab my laptop and wrote this. 
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> • inspired by the song ‘hurts like hell’ by fluerie

She looks back down at the phone in her hands, watching as the little grey bubbles pop back up before they disappear again. And then the reply appears. She lets out a sigh of relief before she texts back one more reply and waits.

And then there’s a knock at the door a moment later and she’s crossing her apartment to open it. A weak, half-hearted smile is on her lips in greeting Sara Lance, but there’s a look in her eyes that Sara notes as concerning, and she can’t quite place it yet.

“Thank you, for coming so soon.”

“No problem, Dinah. You said this was about Laurel?” Sara questions.

Dinah doesn’t meet her gaze as she pads around her apartment to the kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink?” Her tone is heavy and she avoids Sara’s gaze.

“Water’s fine.” Sara answers. “What’s going on?” She questions again.

Dinah’s silent for a few moments while she works on grabbing two glasses, filling them with water before walking back to the couch, encouraging Sara to follow her. Together the two women take a seat and Dinah looks up at the blonde, finally.

“Can you take me back to last Monday evening?” Dinah asks.

Sara raises a brow. “Sure? I mean there are a few rules-”

Dinah doesn’t register her reply before she continues speaking. “I have to stop her.” And with those five words, the tears well up in Dinah’s green eyes, threatening to spill over. “Sara, you-you don’t understand, I-I _have_ to stop her. I _have_ to go back.” Her voice becomes a stuttering mess as she fights back the tears as best as she can but ultimately fails. Sara watches as the few tears start to fall down Dinah’s cheeks.

Sara’s heart drops into her stomach as the realization of Dinah’s words hit her. She swallows the lump in her throat before thinking of what to say next. “You know, when Rip Hunter first recruited me to be apart of my team, my Laurel was the reason why I chose to go. She gave me that push. So when I’d found out she was gone, I dug through everything I could to try and bring her back, but nothing, _nothing_ was possible.”

Dinah closes her eyes, gripping the glass in her hands hard, her knuckles turning white. “Sara, I can’t, I can’t do this. I know you understand, but I can’t do this. Not without her. I just–I have so many things I need to tell her, still. I _need_ to tell her, Sara.”

“I’d do anything to bring my Laurel back, and I know you’d do anything for your Laurel too.”

Dinah chokes back a sob because yes, this Laurel might not have been _Sara’s_ Laurel, but she wasn’t _Dinah’s_ Laurel either. And the words cut through her like a knife. “She-she’s not mine. She was’t mine. I wanted that, I wanted _her,_ but she wasn’t mine. I lost that chance.”

Dinah’s eyes open, red and bloodshot from the tears as she watches Sara for a moment. She watches Sara look down at her hands, twisting one of the many rings on her fingers, before looking back up and meeting Dinah’s eyes.

“There’s a–there is a possibility that I could time jump you to _see_ her. There are rules, though. I’ll equip you with one of the old time bureau issued memory flashers too, but you’ll be able to see her and tell her whatever you want. Just, you have to pick a day you know _past-you_ wasn’t there. Time travel rules, you can’t run into yourself. Okay?” She explains hesitantly.

Dinah lifts one hand from the glass to her cheek, wiping away her damp tears before nodding thankfully.

Sara gets up, telling her she’d be back and exits the apartment, telling Dinah to figure out a day she knew she was not with Laurel.

It only takes a few minutes before Sara’s back at the door, perks of time travel, and Dinah welcomes her again, as Sara’s holding the memory flasher out between them.

“Crash course, hold it up to their forehead like a thermometer, click the trigger and it flashes them. You have to remember to look away though, the flash is a bit blinding and can cause memory loss to the user as well.” Sara explains. Dinah nods along, retaining all the information. “Did you find a date we’re going back to?”

“Monday, two weeks ago before this all started. I was at the bar that night and Laurel had just gone home back to her new apartment. We’d kind of gotten into an argument. I know she was drinking home alone by herself because she showed up slightly hungover the next morning to our training session with Mia.”

Sara nods, “Good, well, let’s take the jumpship and I will get you there. And while you’re doing your thing, I will make my acquaintances with your wonderful bar, sound good?” Dinah nods as they leave her apartment.

She smooths her leather jacket over again, feeling the memory flasher tucked away in the pocket one last time before raising her hand in a fist knocking on the door. She can hear Laurel shout from the other side that she was coming before she hears the shuffling of feet, a thud, a curse and Laurel pulling the door open, a surprised look on her face as she sees Dinah, before schooling her expression.

“Dinah.” Laurel says curtly.

“Can I come in?” She asks hesitantly.

Laurel steps aside, but still has a blank expression plastered on her face, void of emotion and Dinah knows she’s not really thrilled at her being here, especially since last thing Laurel knew was the two of them bickering at the bar before Laurel had walked out, clearly hurt from what Dinah had brought up.

Dinah shrugs off her jacket, resting it on a box and realizes that was probably the reason for the thud as Laurel was coming to answer the door. She turns back, looking at Laurel with a saddened expression.

“I’m sorry I brought up Vin’s death.” She starts out slowly. “It was heat of the moment and I was,” she pauses for a moment. “I wasn’t angry, just frustrated and I took it out on you and you didn’t deserve that. I’ve long since forgiven you for that. It-it wasn’t–that wasn’t you, not the _real_ you.”

Laurel’s guarded exterior and hardened demeanor seems to falter a bit as she uncrosses her arms from her chest and takes a seat on the couch, placing her hands over her thighs as Dinah sits down next to her, turning to face her and rests her own hands in her lap. She knows Laurel’s listening now, and she continues.

“I’m sorry I never told you that. I should’ve. You deserved to know.” She takes a deep breath, debating on what to say next. “Thank you–”

A laugh rolls off of Laurel’s lips as she interrupts Dinah in question, a confused look on her face. “For what?”

“For always being there?” Dinah starts out, questioningly. “For coming here, to 2040. For coming to get me. For being my friend, my _partner.”_

Laurel’s lips press close in a thin line and Dinah waits to see if she has a response but Laurel only looks down at her hands.

“Thank you for everything.”

And with that, Laurel looks up. “What–D, why did you come here tonight? Why are you acting so weird?”

Dinah doesn’t answer her question before continuing her own words from before. “And thank you for trusting me, even when I haven’t always deserved that trust.”

“D, you _know_ I trust you.” Laurel insists.

“I know.” Dinah pauses, looking down again. “It’s one of the reasons why I love you.” She says, looking up and meeting Laurel’s eyes as she says the words.

_Oh._

Laurel’s brows furrow as Dinah watches her think and start to process the information, but she doesn’t let her stew too much before Dinah keeps going.

“I’m sorry I never told you sooner,” she pauses, taking a shaky, uneven breath, holding back the tears threatening to spill. “that I love you. I–I’m sorry for everything, Laurel.”

The dam breaks and Laurel watches as the tears roll steadily down Dinah’s cheeks and she lifts her hand up, cautiously. The pad of her thumb brushes away a few tears as Dinah settles into the feeling of Laurel’s palm against her cheek.

It doesn’t stop the tears from falling, but they stay there like that for a moment before Laurel speaks, unsure of what she really even is planning on saying.

_“Oh.”_ She says ever so softly. “Dinah I–”

Dinah’s eyes open. Her lashes are soaked with tears and the light that once lived in those green eyes is gone but Laurel doesn’t register her actions before she’s leaning in, cupping Dinah’s cheek firmer, ever so slightly. She can feel the exhale of breath from Dinah on her own lips and she hesitates, but only for a moment before she has time to overthink her actions.

She presses her lips to Dinah’s as her own tears start to fall out of nowhere. She can taste the saltiness from them on her tongue as they slip past their lips.

Dinah’s hand reaches out and fists into the bottom of Laurel’s shirt, holding her against her, holding her close. She wishes she never has to let go again.

She feels the hand Laurel had pressed against her cheek slowly snake around to cup the back of her neck as Laurel’s left hand rests on her hip, pulling her closer. She pulls Laurel into her lap, never breaking the kiss as she takes control of it, running her tongue along Laurel’s bottom lip. She feels Laurel nip at her own lip before obliging and Dinah slips past her lips, vying for dominance again.

Before long, oxygen is needed and the two pull back breathlessly, Laurel resting her forehead against Dinah’s for a moment, her chest heaving.

Dinah’s hands are back fisted in Laurel’s shirt as she can feel Laurel trying to catch her breath. She’s got her eyes closed as she hears the whisper leave her lips. “I love you too, Dinah.”

It’s all it takes before Dinah’s pressing her lips back against Laurel’s.

And then, as Laurel fights for control, losing in the process, she pulls away completely, standing up from the couch. Dinah’s hurt for only a moment before she sees Laurel’s outstretched hand and takes it. Laurel leading her back into her bedroom.

Dinah slips out from the bed after they’re done and after Laurel had fallen asleep soundlessly. She works on collecting her strewn about clothes off the floor, looking back at Laurel as she does. She lets a smile grace her lips as she slides her legs back into her jeans and shimmies them up her thighs. Laurel lets out the softest snore and Dinah shakes her head. That woman could sleep through an apocalypse.

She tugs her shirt over her head before silently walking to the living room, finding her jacket and grabbing the memory flasher.

She holds it, feeling the weight in her palm before padding back to Laurel’s bedroom. She stands over her, looking down at her sleeping so peacefully. She presses a quick kiss to her forehead, not wanting to linger, knowing if she does, she’d never go through with the rest of the plan and it would ultimately disassemble the timeline. A whispered _I love you_ falls from her lips as she holds the flasher up to Laurel’s forehead and clicks the trigger, looking away. She can see in her peripheral vision the quick flash of light before it’s gone in a blink.

She lets out a quiet choked sob before she hastily makes her way out of Laurel’s bedroom, out of Laurel’s apartment, and out of Laurel’s world.

She texts Sara that she’s outside her own bar, out back, waiting.

Sara walks out a moment later with an apologetic look.

Dinah just hands her the flasher, wanting to get rid of it as soon as possible, feeling like it was burning her.

They walk silently back onto the jumpship as Dinah lets the tears finally fall again.

She had gotten to tell Laurel the important things, and the guilt should be gone, but it wasn’t. The guilt, the _regret_ , it still lays heavy on her, because she _told_ Laurel, but Laurel would still never know.

And it hurts all the much more.

**Author's Note:**

> I deeply apologize for this I am sorry. by all means please come yell at me, my dm’s are open on twitter @gayvasharpe I totally deserve it...


End file.
